Twenty-eight Sentences

1. I will never have to bother mother for another Kit-Kat.

2. This bicycle is inexplicably rickety.

3. I will disarm the megalomaniacs with my tiny arm.

4. It's partly because he smartly disguised the object as detritus and found his way secretly through alleys packed with field operatives that he lives to sing about it to his family clan.

5 .The deadly man with the two-ton hand is slowly eating up the land and leaving piles of dying flowers behind him

6. As an ancient predator, I predate, or come before, the carnivorous green dinosaur.

7. She propels herself through fields of poppies with the tiny golden motors implanted in her spine.

8. Robert can't fit into his old pants because he ate the sun.

9. The copperhead mirage exists to ensure your personal charm

10. Her tender paws were bruised and bloodied after surgically replacing the calloused pads with shining caps of titanium

11. The most intense moment of beauty I have stored in my feeble memory is when your belly was splayed open like an orchid and the baby you had hiding within you tumbled out bloodied and tender like a suffocating eel twitching and convulsing until the hook rips out of its fat purple lip

12. After I drastically reduce your food supply, I will introduce a food packet that is many times more flavorful and shiny.

13. We were not sure about allowing you to be a part of our gang until you proved yourself by selling fake drugs to elderly people, you jerk

14. Dear Marine Life Geniuses, I am a very capable manager of submarine creatures and as such a person, I humbly request you expedite your review process of the Manatee Managerial application form as quickly as possible so that I may know how best to deal with the next few days as I may have other jobs lined up in my specific field

15. One time, in Istanbul, I had a cup of coffee that sort of approached the greatness of the coffee I now hold in my hand but I wasn't quite as pleased with the consistency as I am with this very pleasurable coffee now sitting before me which I consider to be the best damn coffee I’ve ever tasted in the entire fucking world

16. I thought it was really cool that you didn't get a fake hand cause I think that people who get artificial limbs are the same as people who go bald but comb their hair over the tops of their head in some insane attempt to convince others that they are not losing their hair

17. My easily policed avocado somehow outwitted your biogenetically engineered eggplant

18. I thought maybe you could tell me how intelligent viruses bent on destroying the boy who deployed special forces commandos on his video game last week infected the gelled meat.

19. I can't seem to identify myself within this vague program full of blips and places to hide

20. My dimple carver ain't so simple farmer john

21. Hey you crystal gazers in your stardust chambers, how come all your animals are in the polls in last place?

22. My intermittent insect drone emitter is hidden well in a certain anarchic African country

23. I hid the sheep cannon beneath a stack of fresh hay where it will not be sniffed out because their noses will never be able to penetrate the green stack.

24. The neophyte prostitute sanctimoniously dumped her progeny into a canal filled with flesh eating bacteria and cheeseburger wrappers from McDonald’s

25. On the ladder leading to the sliding board I thought I heard a high-pitched word being sucked into my ear and into my other ear

26. Every car I see shaped like a Bentley makes me want to see a Bentley shaped like me.

27. Mister Vietcong did you think you were wrong when you bought that Coca-Cola for fifty-nine cents?

28. Don’t worry; I won't give you the cold shoulder like sweet Al Capone did, honey